The Philosopher in Me

Back in high school we thought we knew everything. We planned, we were on top of the world, we thought we would take the world by storm. I’m not sure I have taken the world by storm but I do believe I am beginning to make my mark on it. We had dreams of being anything we wanted.

7 years later, I am living in New York. I dreamed about this. I have said I wanted to move here forever and now I’m here. I did what I set out to do. I made it to New York. My plans didn’t really waiver since high school. My means to an end has changed but my goal of living and working in the city were successful. I don’t think anyone would have said I would go into accounting when I was younger.

Yet, here I sit, glass on, writing on a Friday night about how my career got me to my favorite city in the world. Despite my boisterous laugh, my childishness and I don’t mean being petty, and my willingness to make a complete fool out of myself for a laugh, I am an accountant.

Last weekend, I had a crisis of faith so to speak. I wrote an entry, which was not posted, about how maybe dreams aren’t suppose to come true because maybe they were just glorified memories or a false sense of reality. But in a weeks time, I’m going with, it’s just an adjustment.

I’m reading a book, which I bought during said crisis of faith, called “Wherever you go there you are”. I thought it was poignant. It talks about living in the moment, which I had completely lost sight of. I was drowning so to speak in my own loss although maybe I was just living in the moment of sadness at how much I missed my family and friends.

Don’t get me wrong, I still miss them, but instead of damning this place and convincing myself that this was a mistake, I am looking at it as an opportunity. Note, career wise, I know it is huge opportunity, but I am now looking at like a personal opportunity to explore who I am on my own. Most people say college is where you find yourself. I lived at home for 2 of those years, plus at that age I think you are too immature to be able to really “find” yourself.

For the first time, I am paying all of my own bills (scary!). I am completely on my own so to speak and I think I kinda like it. I still need my parents, as they still help me with things, but I am kinda figuring this whole adult thing out.

Things I have learned so far:
- You will always need your parents, even if it’s just to chat on the phone while you walk home.
- I can work late hours without an intervenus drip of coffee and not hate my job
- People in New York aren’t as rude as they are portrayed but are still pretty rude.
- I never thought I would miss walking outside and feeling a rush of heat in my face.
- Distance has a way of making you long for the past.
- Relationships can grow despite the distance

I am sure there are more things to write but I believe these are enough bits of truth for the moment. I wasn’t intending on making this page a mind dump shrine, however today I’m feeling more philosophical then story teller, thus this is my post.

To conclude with where I left off last time, I wound up getting 95% of the things I needed. A funny tid bit along the way: I bought a large mirror, hung it on the wall behind the futon, several hours later when my mom and I got back to the apartment, it was sitting on the futon. Needless to say, it now resides in the hallway. That is all for now. Check in next time to see which way I’ll write. : )